I stopped off at the doctor’s office the other day. Doc’s always so glad to see me.
“Hey Doc! How’s it going?” I said as he entered the examining room.
It was like he hit an invisible wall when he suddenly looked up. We made eye contact and he shuttered.
Doc suddenly got this pained look on his face. He must suffer from acid reflux or something. He’s always like this every time I come to see him. Poor fellow.
But he suddenly gathered himself up and said, “ Well, well, well. If it isn’t Popping Fresh the Pillsbury Doughboy. Hey, don’t you still owe me from the last visit?”
“What visit? I just like to stop by every now and then and socialize with you. That’s your problem Doc. You don’t know how to socialize.”
“I think I could do with less socializing and more of the green stuff.”
“Hey isn’t taking money a violation of your “Hypocritical Oath?”
“That’s Hippocratic Oath, you moron.”
“Sure, have it your way if it makes you feel better. You know Doc, I ought to be sending you a bill for my services. Think about how healthy I keep your staff.”
“What the heck are you talking about?”
“Well doc, if I paid you right off then there would be no need for all your people to chase me around town trying to get the money out of me. I’ll bet every nurse and staff person here has lost at least five pounds from all that road work. Shoot, you ought to list my name under your benefit plan. I’m better than a free membership at the country club. In fact, maybe I ought to start billing you. So what about it.”
“I’m sorry, did you say something? I fell asleep about the time you said ‘Well Doc..”
“That’s okay Doc. An inability to concentrate comes with old age you know.”
“Alright, alright. What do you want me to do so you’ll leave me alone?”
“How did I do on that physical I took last time I was here?”
“I thought you said you were just socializing last time?”
“Don’t try to change the subject Doc.”
“Well, let me look at it for a minute.”
Doc peered into the computer screen and came up with a smile.
“Well, Begley, you’re as healthy as a horse. Do you have any life insurance?”
“Why do I need life insurance if I’m as healthy as a horse?”
“Well, the average horse lives to be about 20 years old. You’re fifty aren’t you?”
“Ha, ha, ha. Got any advice?”
“Well, you need to lose a few pounds off your big fat...”
“Hey!!! I get the picture. I need to lose weight.”
“You can start losing that weight right now by pulling out that wallet and peeling off some of that green.”
“How about I give you a hardy handshake and this insurance card in lieu of cash?”
“Shoot, those insurance companies don’t pay anything anymore after you pay all your deductibles and co-pays. They just give you that card to make you think you got something for all those premiums you pay.”
“In that case, you better get your running shoes on cause I’m about to give your staff their afternoon aerobic exercise class.”