Forgetfulness

There are three surefire signs of getting old.  The first is forgetfulness.  I don’t remember what the other two are.

Must not have been important.

Anyway, now that I’m in the upper part of middle age, I can tell you that my memory isn’t what it use to be.  If I didn’t, then Cindy would.

Unlike myself, Cindy has a photographic memory and never forgets anything.  It’s something that comes in quite handy for her when we have “loud discussions” at home.  Any of you other guys have that problem out there?

Cindy worked at the old First and People’s Bank in Springfield and later Kentucky Home Bank in Bardstown.  Customers loved to come to her window.  Why?  Well, not only is she a good talker, but she had most everyone’s bank account number memorized.  She’d have it written down on a deposit ticket before they could say the first word.  She knew not only their name but could trace up and down their family trees a couple of generations.

No joke.  But I think she’s starting to slow down, as well.

Now me, I can’t even remember where I parked my car at work.  Yes sir, on really bad days I have to pack a box lunch and a flashlight when I troop out to the parking lot at the end of the day.

Once I spent quite a bit of  time looking for my white van in front of  Parkview IGA where I had just pulled up 10 minutes earlier.  It wasn’t there anywhere!  

I was about to call the cops and report it stolen.  That would have given them a good laugh.  If you’ve seen what I drive you’d understand why.  It was then that I realized I drove up in our blue van and I was leaning against it.  Boy, that would have been embarrassing.  Don’t tell anybody, OK?

So now, here’s my point.  Those of you that can remember it all are very annoying to those of us that can’t.  This is especially so when I’m driving.

Just the other day we were driving down the road and . . .

“Kenny, you have your blinker still on where you passed that guy.”

“What?   Oh yeah, I knew that.  I was just getting ready to turn it off.”

“What was it you wanted to tell me, anyway?”

“Tell you what?”

“You were about to tell me something when I told you to turn off your blinker.”

“Really?  Well, it must have not been anything important.  I lost that train of thought.  Why are we going to Campbellsville anyway?”

“Don’t you remember?  We’re doing that fundraiser for St. Dominic’s PTA by wrapping gifts at the Amazon factory.  St. Dominic gets $1 for every gift we wrap for four hours.”

“Oh yeah.  I was just kidding.  I knew that.”

“There’s McDonald’s.”

“So what?”

“You said you’d buy us ice cream sundaes to eat on the way over there.”

“Really?  OK.”

“Why are you parking?  We’ve got to get to Campbellsville.  You didn’t forget, did you?”

“Of course not.  I’m not stupid.  I need to use the restroom.”

“You need to turn off the headlights.”

“I knew that.  I haven’t even turned the engine off yet.  Give me a second, why don’t you?”

“OK, OK.  Don’t get so mad.”

“Give me a little credit.  I’m not entirely senile yet.  Now, what do you want?”

“I want the chocolate sundae.  You haven’t forgotten already, have you?”

“No!  I just wanted to know what you want on it.”

“I want a double portion of chocolate put on it.  Do you want me to write that down?”

“Of course not.  Double chocolate.  Got it.”

“Tell them I really like that whip cream and wouldn’t mind some extra on it, as well.  You sure you don’t want me to write that down?’

“No, I’ve got it.  Extra chocolate sauce and extra whip cream.”

“Be sure and tell them I don’t want any nuts on it.  They don’t need to give me any.  You sure you don’t want me to write that down?  This is getting kind of long to remember.”

“How many times have I got to tell you that I’ve got it?  Extra chocolate, extra whip cream, no nuts.”

“One last thing.  I’d like them to put a cherry on top.  This is really getting complicated.  Are you sure you don’t want me to write this down?”

“For goodness sakes, I don’t need it written down!  I’ve got it, I’ve got it!  Extra chocolate, extra whip cream, no nuts, and a cherry on top.”

With that, I slammed the door and walked off in a huff into McDonald’s.

I came back in about 10 minutes and shoved the bag in her hand and said, “See, I told you I didn’t need to have it written down.”

Cindy looked down into the bag and up at me with her angry eyes as we drove away.  She said, “You idiot.  These are fries.  You should have let me write it down.  Then you wouldn’t have forgotten and messed everything up!’”

“What did I forget?”

“The catsup.”

“Sorry.  Does that gas station over there have a bathroom?  I don’t know why I didn’t think to go at McDonalds.”

Writer’s note: Don’t you forget, The Bluegrass Kids present, “The Only Christmas Pageant in Town.” A blizzard brings a glitzy Christmas  extravaganza back to the humble roots of Christmas, with a bit of heavenly help. It’s full of your favorite Christmas carols!  It’s at the Springfield Opera House on Friday and Saturday, Dec. 11 and 12 at 7 p.m.  Have an old fashion Christmas.  It’s something we can all use right now.