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Quotes for the political season

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By Ken Begley

I love quotes.  The shorter, the better.  

So without further ado, here are my favorite political quotes for this festive carnival season which leads up to America’s “Election Tuesday”.

 

“What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.”

Abraham Lincoln

 

“Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.”

Will Rogers

 

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

Earnest Benn

 

“A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn’t happen.”

Winston Churchill

 

“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.  They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.”

Unknown

 

“If you can’t convince them, confuse them.”

Harry S. Truman

 

“I shall not often meddle with politics, because we have a political editor who is already excellent, and only needs to serve a term or two in the penitentiary to be perfect.”

Mark Twain

 

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

Mark Twain

 

“You couldn’t lead a monkey to a banana raffle.”

Max Stone

 

“If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.”

Lyndon B. Johnson

 

“Whenever a fellow tells me he is bipartisan, I know he is going to vote against me.”

Harry Truman

 

“However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.”

Winston Churchill

 

“When smashing monuments, save the pedestals – they always come in handy.”

Stanislaw Lec

 

“Even the best intentioned of great men need a few scoundrels around them; there are some things you cannot ask an honest man to do.”

La Bruyere

 

“Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against. “

W.C. Fields

 

“In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all, an enemy.”

Brian Mulroney

 

“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.”

Napoleon Bonaparte

 

“In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant.”

Charles de Gaulle

 

“Diplomacy — the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ ‘til you can find a stick.”

Wynn Catlin

 

“Politics, as a practice, whatever it professes, has always been the systematic organization of hatreds.”

Henry Adams

 

“Lighthouse: A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.”

Anonymous

 

“Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.”

John Kenneth Galbraith

 

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

Will Rogers

 

“Our elections are free, it’s in the results where eventually we pay.”

Bill Stern

 

“Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.”

Will Rogers

 

“Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges, even when there are no rivers.”

Nikita Khruschev

 

“I’ve seen many politicians paralyzed in the legs as myself, but I’ve seen more of them who were paralyzed in the head.”

George Wallace

 

“If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN’T SWIM.”

Lyndon B. Johnson

 

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.”

Mark Twain

“I think it’s about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we’ve been voting for boobs long enough.”

Clarie Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate

 

“The more you read and observe about this politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.”

Will Rogers

 

“The way my luck is running, if I were a politician I would be an honest man.”

Rodney Dangerfield

 

“We have two types of politicians — the incapable and those capable of anything.”

Slogan written on a wall in Paraguay

 

“Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.”

Mark Twain

 

“If politicians lived on praise and thanks, they’d be forced into some other line of business.”

Edward Heath, British Prime Minister

 

“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”

Mark Twain

 

“We hang the petty thieves, and appoint the great ones to public office.”

Aesop

 

“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.”

Cato the Elder

 

“Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.”

Frank Dane

 

“Too bad 90 percent of the politicians give the other 10 percent a bad reputation.”

Henry Kissinger

 

‘’I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.’’

Bill Cosby

 

“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”

Will Rogers

 

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”

Winston Churchill

 

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”

Napoleon Bonaparte

 

“A politician will do anything to keep his job,  even become a patriot.”

William Randolph Hearst

 

“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”

Will Rogers

 

Finally, here’s my favorite quote.  

 

“When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.”

Abraham Lincoln

 

It has nothing to do with politics.  It just makes me laugh.