Vacation's coming!

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By Ken Begley

It won’t be long before it’s vacation time.  

I don’t know about you, but I always feel like I need a vacation after a family vacation any more. Young people with all their energy will flat wear you out.  Still, young kids and funny incidents seem to go together, and can make things “interesting.”  It may not always seem funny at the time for the parents, but later, after you’ve settled down, it can bring a smile.

 Here’s an example.  

One time, when money was short, we took the kids on a one-day vacation in Louisville at the Kentucky Kingdom amusement park.  My wife likes all the fast and stomach-churning rides.  Not me, brother.  My days for those are over.

We decided to break up, with Cindy taking the older kids on the “big rides.”  I opted for the “kiddy rides” with a two- year-old.  Please note that I don’t reveal the child’s name to protect the semi-innocent from embarrassment.

Now, what could go wrong?  

We have a mature, experienced dad, a two year-old, and an amusement park.  Nothing could happen there, right?  Oh, foolish person!  I, too, was ignorant once.  Listen and learn.

At first, it was a really pleasant day.  The weather was good, the kid wasn’t misbehaving, and the crowd was small.  Take note, that’s how you’re lured in, with a false sense of security and let down your guard.  It also accounts for nervous tics that parents develop when nothing seems to be going wrong, but are just standing near their offspring.

We walked over to a ride with miniature trucks going around a small track at two miles an hour.  The only people in the line were a couple of good-looking young women in shorts talking to each other, and a young girl that belonged to one of them.   My two-year-old ran over and got at the end of the line by one of the women and watched the ride run around the track thru the guardrails.  I walked over and stood by my kid with arms draped over the rail and watched as well.  

Suddenly, the young woman nearest me stopped talking, spun around on a dime, and looked at me in utter shock.  She gave me first a stunned, and then explosive look that could take paint off walls.  I didn’t know what was going on.  I looked back and gave her a dumbfounded smile while waiting for the next shoe to drop from this obviously crazy person.

Her eyes shot over to the rail where she saw both my hands.  She then looked confused.  Then her eyes shot down, and I followed them, to the ground.  There we both saw my peaceful looking two year-old, watching the ride, sucking a thumb on one hand while the other hand was up the leg of the woman’s shorts.

The rest of the day was uneventful.